I wanted to address the audience at our last concert before I retired. I knew the concert was plenty long and the seats in our school gym were not the most comfortable.  Any more than the most brief necessary remarks seemed inappropriate. So I decided to write it all out and insert it into the concert program.   Oddly, some of the ideas have surfaced in other blog posts I have written since then. I was unaware of this until I re-read.

For the second year I am not getting ready for school at this time of year.   This seemed like a good time to share this with my blog readers. I usually edit, but this is clipped directly from the program file.  Feedback appreciated.

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To Students (current and former), Parents, Friends, Relatives, Colleagues, et al,

I have had a lot on my mind as my final year in Broken Arrow draws to a close. I decided it would be a good idea to write some things down rather than spending a long time telling you all about it. I do, however, reserve the right to save a few things to tell you later this evening.

I am so grateful for the love and support of so many people who have made it possible for me to do what I do. My student’s success rests directly on the efforts of so many people who have been their for our students, our school, and for me personally. A good teacher can become a great teacher when surrounded by people who share the same cause.

First, I would like to thank my wonderful family. They have tolerated having a music educator/performer/composer/arranger in the family all these years. Although we are all musical, having the Dad of the house involved in so many musical activities is, I think, especially challenging. Somehow through it all we have managed to raise two amazing children and even find some time for church work and for some travel. The dogs seem happy and healthy too. They have truly been the wind beneath my wings.

I would also like to express my appreciation for the opportunity to work with your children as they have passed through my program these past twelve years. There is no such thing as a perfect school system (or a perfect teacher) but we get a lot of things right here in Broken Arrow. Parents are a big part of this, both in support of their own children and in the school system. The people of Broken Arrow have high expectations of our school system and have been courageous and determined in their quest to insure the availability of a great education for their children.

This includes the support given at the ballot box. Our wonderful new orchestra room is a direct result of sacrifice by parents and, indeed, everyone in Broken Arrow. This room serves both band and orchestra students at Childers Middle School. Some people are very critical of schools these days. When public schools are doing well it is because the people of the community stay involved in a positive way to make sure that the local school does not go down the path to mediocrity. I had a student return to my orchestra after attending school in another district for a time. The first day back she said, “You know all those things teachers say about how good this school is compared to others? Well, it is true.” People of Broken Arrow must not take this for granted. This school system needs you and it will continue to need you long after your students graduate.

I have worked with eight different middle school principals in three middle schools here in Broken Arrow. On the whole, they have been awesome. The administrative team I now work with on a daily basis is top shelf. I really appreciate this. It is not always so. Early in my career I worked with a superintendent that was, after I left that school, arrested and convicted of embezzlement and arson. (No, really.) It is a breath of fresh air to work with administrators who truly care for teachers and students.

Teachers have been under increasing fire, it seems. A lot of times, when we have not been feeling the love, my fellow teachers have been there for each other. It makes a huge difference. I could say more about this, but I have a nice essay called “On Teachers” that is on my blog. (thehappyrockway.com.)

Now this may seem a little harsh, but someone needs to say it. We continually compete at auditions and contests with orchestras from other schools that are chock full of students who study privately. We have a good number of students who take up private lessons in high school, but by this time they are already behind the learning curve. The combination of individual lessons by a private teacher and playing in a school ensemble is powerful. Students benefit from the one-on-one attention, and they learn both musical and people skills by playing together with others. If students are having success in class lessons should be considered. You do not have to do what we do at our house. My son takes lessons in French Horn, piano, and voice. One or two will be fine. Congratulations if your child is already studying privately. Perhaps you could share the benefits of private instruction with others. Students who do not study privately are still valued orchestra members. But if you would like to provide this for your students be assured that lessons with a good teacher is worth the investment of time, money and gas for the car. In addition to lessons, there are summer opportunities for musical growth. Tulsafest is held at TCC. Summer strings is held right here in Broken Arrow and is an exceptional value.

Quality instruments are also important. A high quality instrument is a true musical and financial investment. Like financial investments, they can be kept for a long time and, in some cases, sold for more than their original cost.

Sadly, too many students who are really good at orchestra leave the program for other things where they do not have the same success. Or, even worse, for things that offer no challenge or growth. It is really hard to catch up after a year out of orchestra, even with lessons. This is a decision that can mean giving up a lifetime of music enjoyment. I have repeatedly seen average students who stick with an instrument become above average students, both musically and academically. I have seen above average students become academic superstars. The decision to keep playing is a little bigger than what to order at Braum’s after the concert. Watching this year after year has been so painful over the years. It is not about “my” orchestra, especially at this point. In fact, since it is not about me at this point, perhaps someone will listen.

I have also seen students leave orchestra to truly pursue excellence in another field. This is awesome. I always tell students who leave orchestra that I expect them to rock whatever they decide to do. One of my former students won a state individual golf championship. Two others paid for college with athletic scholarships, one in softball and one in soccer. So perhaps not everyone should stay in orchestra. But leave for a positive reason. I have had too many students come into my office over the years and literally cry because they wish they had stayed in.

I have one last recommendation for those involved in our orchestra program, regardless of the role they play. Orchestra is an amazing and great thing. Internationally it is the most common professional musical ensemble. Professional orchestras are found literally all over the world on all the inhabited continents. We actually have two professional orchestras here in Tulsa. My advice is this: Be your own kind of awesome. Orchestra offers a unique experience to students that makes it an important piece of the fine arts puzzle. This is a valid experience for students who intend to study music in college as well as those who play for fun. Orchestras make a great range of music. The instruments truly speak to people. If you try to out band the band or out choir the choir or out drama drama department it is a waste of time. We can stand proudly along side those other great organizations best by doing what we do and doing it very well. It is up to all of us, parents, students, orchestra teachers (and former teachers) to let people know about it.

Thanks to everyone for making my time here a great experience!

At this point I think I need to be quiet and let the music talk.

This happened:
It was the last few minutes of the last period of the middle school day.  My seventh and eighth grade orchestra students were putting their instruments away.  One student, Aundrea, was still seated and putting her violin in the case while most of the rest were putting their instruments in storage or lining up to take them home.  Aundrea was a delight to have in class.  She worked hard on her music and had exceptional manners.  It was obvious that there were high expectations in her family.  On the other hand, she also had a purple streak in her hair, which was a little wild in a way that seemed to work for her, and a pierced eyebrow.   She seemed surprised when I told her that some of the sixth grade beginners who met her on their way out of orchestra were a little scared of her.   (I knew they would get over it when they got to know her. This is indeed what happened.)  On this particular day, she said , actually and for true, “Mr. Reck, why are you so cool?”  This required some quick thinking, since no one had asked me that question before.  Never ever. I resisted the temptation to look around and see if she was talking to a cool person who had walked in the  room   I answered in all sincerity, “I am a huge nerd.  But I am good with it and that makes it cool.”

She responded, “That’s it! Let’s go tell the others!”  And she did.   I later thought it was odd that she didn’t say something else.  “Mr. Reck, you’re not a nerd.”  “…not a HUGE nerd…”  “No, Mr Reck, really why?”  Her actual reply would have been a great leap for many middle School students.  She took a giant step right there. It really is cool to be a nerd.  Being cool is basically about being comfortable being you, shortcomings and all.  If you happen to be a nerd you can get into a lot of trouble trying to be something else.  To bring it into better focus,  this also includes being able to own up to your mistakes rather than being convinced that you do not make any.  It is also incorrect (and narcissistic) to believe that you make do mistakes but that they are, of  course, the fault of other people.

At a Christmas party a parent told me that her daughter, after initially considering band as an elective, decided against it because, “that is a class all the nerds take.”  She seemed certain (and relieved)  that her daughter had avoided certain nerdness (possibly true) and that this was a good thing.  (Actually and for true she said that.  She truly acted relieved that her daughter had made the right choice for the right reason.)  Since that time things have changed some.   Thanks to a certain sitcom featuring a group of nerdy scientists and several movies featuring nerdy but lovable characters it is now somewhat more OK to be a nerd.  The definition of nerd seems to evolve over time.  On the other hand, being “cool” still is supposed to be good.

But there are still far too many students (and even some adults) who pretend to think that being a nerd is ok when they would much rather be one of the cool kids.  Being a nerd is just more OK for those who are not fortunate enough to be cool.  But nerds they remain.  They are not good with it.

Back in the fifties, jeans were not allowed in many schools. Young men wore slacks and dress shirts with leather dress shoes to school. Young women wore dresses or skirts.  A nerd, whether male or female, not only wore glasses, but had uncool frames that were taped together.  Nerds were not just unattractive, they were also somewhat uncoordinated and they severely lacked social skills.   Rick Moranis was cast as such a geeky nerd in both Ghostbusters (Louis Tully) and Little Shop of Horrors (Seymour).

(I leave out this paragraph when I am speaking to middle school students. If you share this with middle school students you have my permission to leave it out as well.)  I knew, as a realist, that some students in my orchestra class would be given a hard time about playing in orchestra from the social elite  of their school. Sometimes they would be called dorks, which is really the same thing.  Orchdorcks, specifically.   So I would have a part of a class session in beginning orchestra each year about being a nerd or not and exactly what that meant.  Sometimes we would even role play.    The idea was to vaccinate the students against those who would try to bully them by using the term “nerd” or any other manipulative term.

Most years I would have a special lesson in beginning orchestra on a day that was normally not very productive.  This could, for instance, be the day after a concert or a class that was shortened because of an assembly.   It was far enough into the year that students had figured out how things worked in middle school, more or less.   I would make two columns on the board.  (This started out as a chalk board and morphed into a white board over the years.  I left before it became a smart board in my room.)    One column was labeled “NERDS” and the other “COOL KIDS.”  One by one I would list things students did and asked them to put them in the Nerd or Cool Kids column on the board.  If I had a creative group I might ask them for suggestions.

I am sure you don’t need any help with this, but here are some of the terms and where they would invariably go:
Be on time to class every day (nerds)
Do inappropriate things with boyfriend or girlfriend (cool kids)
Sneak into parents liquor/get drunk (cool kids)
Treat teachers with respect (nerds)
Be on time to class every day (huge nerds!)
Cut class (cool kids)
Change clothes at school to wear things their parents did not know about (cool kids)
Play in band or orchestra (nerds)
For your information,  I never heard a student say that some of the things I listed of were so bad that cool kids did not do them.  Basically, these days a nerd is anyone who follows the rules, shows respect, and tries to make good grades.Those are all good things, last time I checked.   Even students who are socially well adjusted and have friends are still nerds by this definition.  Some parents do not understand this when they hear students talk about nerds and dorks.  Or geeks.

Now, the next step in the class presentation is not what you might think.  I avoided saying, “Oh dear, we do not want to be cool kids, do we?”  Because some middle school students are still working out their priorities.   I always asked them, “If you have children when you grow up, do you want them to be nerds or cool kids?   They pretty much all wanted their kids to be nerds after the true nature of a nerd had become apparent.

Now, to the adults who are reading this:  If you think that students would rarely quit an elective in which they were successful just because someone called them a nerd then you are sadly mistaken.  It is not possible to avoid this totally.  But preparing students for the bullying and harassment is helpful and sometimes deprives bullies of their greatest reward, their ability to manipulate other people.

After this discussion we would, time permitting, role play.   I would have one student be the bully and I would be the dork/nerd.   Some students were surprisingly good at this, which seemed to indicate that they could draw on their experiences with bullies.  One of my orchestra students was exceptional.   I later asked her privately if she had to deal with a lot of manipulation and head games and she answered in the affirmative.

Our game was simple.  The bully would come up to me and give me a hard time about being in orchestra. I would stand up tall and answer them firmly.
Bully:   Orchestra is a big nerd class.
Me:   (Standing tall and facing bully directly) Some of us like it.  A lot.

Bully:   You are a dork   Orchestra is for dorks.  (Laughs)
Me:  (Same body posture) ” You can have your opinion, but I like it and I don’t care if you don’t.”
Sometimes the class would actually clap.  Most students were quite speechless because I was so direct.  I would explain that if you spoke softly and looked at your shoes you would not get far.Bullies are often so used to people caving that they don’t know what to do if someone is more direct with them.

I also explained that sometimes if you act with confidence and assurance some bullies will pick another person rather than risk being verbally humiliated in public.

Some of you will have, of course, figured out that this is about more than just retaining students in the music program.   The ability to stand up for what is right is a life skill. But it does sometimes make a student a lot happier about taking a fine arts elective.

Be a nerd and be proud.   And pass on the secret.

As usual, I reserve the right to revise and extend this post.

I was discussing a situation at school once with someone who probably does not want to be identified here.  (I apologize for the mysterious nature of the opening, but I stole this person’s idea and I don’t want to pretend to take creative credit. And they would prefer I not use their name.)  There were two school organizations (names have been changed to protect everyone’s self esteem.)  So, let’s just say that the Future Bird Watchers Club had been a Big Deal for awhile and a lot of students came out for the meetings after school.  They had community projects and other chapters of the Future Bird Watchers Clubs all over the state were somewhat jealous.  In the same school the Future Architects had a small but loyal following.  FA members did well in school and they had actually had several alumni who were successful in the field of architecture, a fine record by any measure.

My friend and I had actually both made the same observation. The Future Architects had begun to try to attract the large numbers (like the Bird Watchers club) and do more high profile projects.    After awhile everyone could see, we guessed, that Future Architects leadership was trying to out-do the Bird Watchers Club by basically copying them in style and manner.  I allowed that I thought this was a mistake.  And my friend, agreeing, replied, “They should try to be their own kind of awesome.”

I was cool about it, but inwardly I was thinking, “That’s a great way of saying it.”  I could probably end this post right here.  Be your own kind of awesome!

Feel free to stop reading now.   But it seems like there is more to say.

I know many of us have tried to keep up with the next guy.  (OK, I have  done this. Is there anyone that has not? Perhaps some have escaped this.)  This seems to be a very human thing to do.   It is a waste of time, especially on the personal level. We always seem to know this when we see others do it.  I would imagine we know when we do it too if we take time to consider it. Emulating a successful person can be helpful, to be sure.  But you will have to attack life in your own way regardless of where you get your inspiration.

It is just a sad thing to watch when it happens.  During my teaching career it was at times oddly amusing when I saw middle school students repeatedly making the same mistakes year after year.  Middle School students will copy the wardrobe and hair style of the alpha males and females in their school.  Adults generally know that some clothing, makeup, and hair styles look good on one person but not on another.  So the fashions that work well for the alpha female make some of the other girls look a little foolish.  (Same for the guys, to a lesser degree.) Most people learn, eventually, that they are themselves and not someone else.   The Happy Rock Way is about learning this sooner and deeper.

My Aunt Esther was one of the most successful people I have ever known.  She was educated as a nurse, but her profession was co-managing a farm.  (Some call this profession “farmer’s wife”, but that really misses the point.)  Uncle Bill was in poor health with MS for many years of their marriage. They never had children.   But she achieved a level of personal contentment that I have rarely seen.   She seemed to have achieved true mastery of the world around her.

Having no children of her own, she borrowed her nieces and nephews to help  in the summer and managed their efforts with a skill that would impress any corporate manager.  We met at her house to divide her household goods on her passing, per the request in her will.  The executor, from the local bank, was surprised and relieved about the orderly way we developed to do this.  But Aunt Esther’s rules (we all knew them perfectly well) were still in effect.   We had a great time. And I truly appreciated her wisdom in causing us all of us to gather together at her place one last time.

Her farm was not luxurious and was somewhat run down.  The cousins speculated that it would not bring much when auctioned.  But, oh,  the natural beauty of this property, which was situated west of Enid on a hill over looking a series of spring-fed ponds, was astounding.  The string of ponds had once been a seventeen acre lake, but the earthen dam was in poor repair.  I was looking down on the ponds from the front yard of the farm house and watched a raft of ducks fly in and land feet first in the pond.   Just like in the nature video.   And I figured if the right person came to the auction that this beautiful location which really did not look like northwestern Oklahoma would fetch a premium.  And it did. But to my Aunt it was just home.

Aunt Esther seemed to fit in her world like a hand in a tight glove.  She was at peace in life and death.  She loved God.  She loved her family.  She was full of wise statements if you were paying attention.

Aunt Esther was her own kind of awesome.   She defined the terms of her success and her definition worked for her and for those around her.  I suppose an alcoholic could define success as being drunk as much as possible.  But that is not quite it.   When viewed in this manner, success is not about societies’ definition of wealth or power.  Success is taking your unique life, abilities, and experiences and rocking your corner of the world as only you can.

Sure, I know people that I from time have something in life that I would like to have.  It takes far too long to realize that I would NOT trade everything I have for everything they have.   And life is more about everything than it is about any one thing.  It is wonderfully complex and varied.  It is lying besides the still waters and walking through the valley of the shadow of death.   Life will teach you a few things if you are ready to move and learn and grow instead of getting stuck under the circumstances.

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A short note:
I seem to see a lot of people these days whose life has really come off the rails. Nothing is moving forward for them. College was supposed to happen. It didn’t. Family support seems to have disappeared. The love of a lifetime turned out not so be so. The college degree didn’t lead to the expected career. And more. For those who feel like they are indeed stuck, consider why this is so.  I have at times sought the counsel of others who I considered wise and helpful.   If this had not worked, I would have sought a professional counselor I could trust.   If if you are mired in a life that is not working please consider doing this. I have had some success as a friendly life coach. Contact me if you want. I have enough sense to tell someone when they really need to see a professional. I have one friend that calls the professional the “therapist” and me the “shrink.” Maybe it helps to have both. But do seek a way out of your dilemma.

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” – Elbert Hubbard. Keep seeking and have faith.

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Now, some practical tips to go along with the pep talk.

Here is the best I can do to explain at this point in my life:  We must continually seek to be a better version of our unique selves.  If you are a Christian person you can consider the parable of the talents.   If not, you can just trust me that life is more fulfilling if you make the most of it.  This seems like a simple idea on the surface, and perhaps it is.  But if you accept the challenge you will find there are plenty of adventures to be had, as well as times of heartache.   You will, with the help of Providence, be on the road to becoming the unique and  awesome person you were meant to be.  You may not have riches or fame.  Or maybe you do.  But one thing you will have is a large sense of achievement and well-earned self respect. (Self respect is far more important than self-esteem.)  You will have done something no one else could do.  You will create something beautiful and unique.

Some of these things are going to require you to write some things down.  It is important  that you do some soul searching and decide what you can and want to do and how you can make that into a life.    This isn’t about right answers that will make everyone happy.  It is about assessing the life you have been given.  It is about deciding how to bring your best to the world in your own extraordinary and awesome way.  You will do some things that others can do better. But in the end no one will be able to do and be everything you can do and be as well as you.

1.   Take an inventory of things you can do well and that you like to do.  Make it a column.  Make three.  In the second column, put things that you can do well even though you don’t especially like doing them.   These are skills you have when you need them.  They may help you get where you want to go. But you may not want to get in a position that involves doing things you can do but don’t like and doing them all day long.   And make a third column of things that you really really don’t like to do and don’t do very well and would rather avoid when possible.  As you are exploring life, this list will help you recognize opportunities as they arrive.

You will discover new things.  As you confront life’s challenges you will also find that you actually grow in your ability to do some things. Things might move from one column to another.  (For me, keeping track of school fundraising money was a huge pain.  But I wanted to do as much of it for myself as possible after seeing teachers get in more trouble over the way they handled money than the way they taught.  My last teaching year our one fundraiser grossed over $ 14,000 and i accounted for all of it.)  Sometimes things seem to appear from nowhere. I have been playing and singing music since I was quite young, but I did not begin the study of the double bass until I was twenty one years old.  I had my first original choral composition performed when I was in my late twenties.   Your list will vary.  Of course.  Be prepared to surprise yourself.

I think is good to actually write this on paper.   You can edit it at any time.  If it is in ink just scratch it out and/or add to it.   As life goes on, some of the things will be more specific.  You could start with “I want to make a difference.”  This could grow into   “I want to be a teacher.”   This could grow into “I want to teach remedial reading to third graders in an inner-city school.” (Or not.)

2.  Be open to discovering new things about yourself and learning new skills.   It is Ok if some of them are fun and have nothing to do with your job.  It is OK if they do.   I had the opportunity to go to London to hear the premier one of my choral compositions.  A member of the choir offered me a place to stay.  Eva Heyman (a sister of the Society of the Holy Child Jesus) was a well seasoned citizen who had managed to leave Nazi Germany at the age of nine to escape the Holocaust who later became a nun.  She offered me a place in their London residence off Cavendish square.  (More about her amazing story here:  http://www.shcj.org/european/our-story/stories/eva-heymann/
In her eighth decade she had just picked up a new hobby, painting.  She showed  me a painting she had finished.   She had also just begun counseling AIDS patients, victims of a disease no one knew of when she was growing up.  Two big new things……  She was and is an inspiration.   From one of the video’s on the link above:  “Fear is destructive, but hope has immense power.”

3.  Learn how to work your own brain!   We all think and learn differently.  This is a little more challenging, but when you figure out the way you like to do things you will do better.  Consider this comparison of great composers.  Mozart, who had a phenomenal memory, would write music in his head while doing other things, like taking a walk in the woods.   He seems to have been able to edit and replay thing in his head and then play the whole thing back without writing it down.    Later he would write it down, perhaps while he was shooting billiards.   His original scores were very neat because he was finished with the piece before he ever put it to paper.   Beethoven, on the other hand, worked all of his ideas out on paper.   It is possible to get an incredible view of his creative process by examining the discarded ideas in his notebooks. (There is a very cool video about this by Leonard Bernstein.  He plays things from Beethoven’s notebooks and then shows what the discarded version sounds like when played by an orchestra.  It sound pretty good, until you hear the final version, which is amazing. It is really bad video quality, but here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yj2-G0RdiOI )   Then there was Chopin.  He seems to have written down thing that he played on the piano.  His fingers did the composing and then he wrote them down.

Which one was right?   They all were.  They had all figured out how to use their own brains.   I took a big step forward in my singing when I reminded myself that I had always sung for fun.  Not joy, but actual fun.   The more fun I try to have the better I sing.   For some, “just having fun” would be a performance disaster.   But it works for me. My brain. My way. You find yours!

4.  Remember to seek your own definition of success.  You get to do this.   Take advantage.   This is not about trying to do a very little and succeeding.  This is about attempting to do something awesome and succeeding.  But you get to decide how you are going to be awesome at each stage of life.

5. You should also review this other entry on my blog:
https://thehappyrockway.com/2014/12/03/rock-your-corner/

6. If you are non-verbal, try this awesome Pixar Short

Day and Night

That’s it for now.   I reserve, as usual, the right to revise and extend (or shorten) my remarks.

You are who and what you are. But what about the rest of reality?
More Happy Rock Way observations about how people work life and vice versa.

Alfred Korzybski began/founded the discipline called General Semantics in the 1920’s. As I first read it there is a founding statement and everything else spins out from that.

“The map is not the territory.”

People have a construct of the world in their heads, a map, if you will, that they use to guide them through life. This map, any map, really, is not the actual world. A map is just a set of symbols that helps us navigate. How well the map works has to do with how well the map predicts what we will find when we use it. That seems simple enough, on the surface.  But it has deep implications.

I accidentally discovered General Semantics when I read a science fiction book called “The World of Null A” by A. E. Van Vogt. It is an OK book.. Good reading if you really, really like science fiction. In my humble opinion it does not approach any kind of literary ideal. But it led me, an always curious person, to investigate further into “Null A” which led me to General Semantics, which is really not classical semantics at all, and the work of writers like S. I. Hayakawa,  a noted general semanticist.  It seems like his message was well-received during his life. He died in 1992.  In today’s political climate we have raised the misuse of language to an art form.

Now, I am not sure you needed to know all of that to get the rest of this post, but I like for people to know the basis of my fundamental ideas. This idea of a cognitive map can be very useful to us in understanding our lives and in dealing with other people.  It can help us understand how we build our own map of the world.  It can explain how our ability to use language effectively can improve our understanding of the world.   It can help us be more effective in our lives.  It can sometimes help us help others. In my humble opinion, many good therapists actually help people re-draw their inner map into one that helps them function in the world. When Dr. Phil asks, “How’s that working out for you?” he is, to my way of thinking, pointing out that things aren’t working out. And sometimes they are not working out because the person needs a new map.

I have been intentionally working on my map ever since. Anyone that knew me when I was growing up knows that my map needed a lot of work.  And that is an understatement.

Which finally brings me closer to the point of this post. A person’s choice of profession or field of study has a lot to do with how they view the world. To an economist, for instance, everything is economics. The character Perchik, in Fiddler on the Roof, was an economist, seemingly a Marxist.   When he proposes marriage, he phrases it in economic terms. To a lawyer, everything is law. To a jazz musician, it is always good to be ready to improvise. Politicians view thing as politics. Shakespeare said, “All the world” was a stage. To an actor or playwright, that often seem true.

In my post, “The Roller Coaster Life Club” I reference the idea that people tend to represent life (make their map) using pictures, sounds, and feelings. And how they use these things influences how they live.  Much of this is hardwired, but it can be tweaked with some intelligent effort. Another way that we make our map has to do with how we use language. According to Null A (General Semantics),  we can be led astray by logical generalities that work fairly well in things like plane geometry.  Generalities don’t work with groups of people or situations.  Generalities spring from words that require an all or nothing approach.   Is a person good?  All good?  All bad?  Human beings are a mixture of both.    Many of the old western movies had heroic cowboys (who often sang) who were 100% good and right.  If you weren’t sure, they wore a white hat and rode a palomino horse.  I’m sure you can guess the clothing choices of the Western-Movie bad guys who   were “rotten to the core”  These characters were not based on real people, obviously.   One of my favorite films most people haven’t seen is Rustlers Rhapsody.  It has a lot of fun with those old stereotypes.

I usually do not explain, or perhaps attempt to explain all of this. I just talk about the danger of “strong words.” The danger of strong words is that they are almost always incorrect. I say “almost always” because “always” is a strong word. Once a strong word enters the verbal equation the ability for a person to engage in quality thinking is seriously curtailed.  But perhaps if you understand this post you will be more likely to use this information in a positive manner instead of reading it and moving on unchallenged and unchanged.  That’s why I am writing.    You can take it from here.

Here, finally is a list of Strong Words. You may find other words or phrases that function in the same manner. Be on the lookout!

Always
All
Every
Everyone
No one
Never
Nothing
Any
Anybody
Nobody

There are others that can occur in strong phrases, phrases that have the same impact as strong words. Here are two examples:

I can’t do anything right. – Substitutes for “Nothing I do is right.”  It is anything plus a negative.

I failed as usual.  Substitutes for “I fail every time.”

If you come up with more feel free to comment.

Strong words must be used with care. Since they are so strong, they seem to be easily grasped by the human mind and thus integrated into the cognitive map. They are like mental concrete.   Part of our minds likes simple either/or evaluations.  Strong words associated with core beliefs can be very limiting. People talk about the awesome potential of the human mind. Incorrect use of the strong words or similar strong language can limit that potential.  If you are an atheist, then you realize that it is problematic when you work against yourself. If you believe your mind is a gift from God, then you know it is not good to treat your gifts poorly.  Regardless of your theology or philosophy there are good  reasons to be wary of strong words.

To see how easy it is to fall into this linguistic trap see if your mind easily completes any of these phrases for you.

All cheerleaders are______________
All jocks are ________________
When I play/sing/act/speak in front of people I always___________

My husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend always____________
All Democrats____________
All Republicans are____________
No one ever________________

I have intentionally avoided words about race, religion, ethnicity, or even stereotypes about the musicians found in the modern symphony orchestra.

NEVER USE STRONG WORDS! (Oh.. wait… hmmm)

There is also the implied use of a strong word.   For instance, remove the word “all” from  any of the statements above.  The “all” is still implied and still can lead to faulty thinking.

Just in case you haven’t made the connection on your own, a lot of human prejudice is based on generalizing language.  Please consider how this works.

It is possible that these words are correct at times.  We all have to do with gravity.    But you can make significant improvement in your ability to deal with the challenges the world brings you if you will examine what you are saying when you use these words and make an effort to eliminate false and misleading generalities.

I have talked around a lot of issues in this post but in this edit we need to face something head on.    The use of strong words and they way they impact thinking is at the root of all manner of prejudice, with racism being the best/worst example.   This surely does not take a lot of explanation.  Placing all the people of a religion, race, or ethnic group into the same general category leads us astray.  And yes, this includes political parties.  Generalizing groups of people is not just bad thinking.  It is the foundation of a lot of evil in the world.  The sooner you start working towards treating people as individuals instead of general labels  the better.

If you would like to work your way out of generalization of people and the resulting prejudice and hate, you can start by memorizing the list of strong words and start asking yourself to consider people as individuals and not as someone.   This has positive benefits in so many areas of life.  Strong words limit your thinking.  Strong words cause errors in your internal map of reality.    Using strong words to describe yourself limits your life, sometimes drastically.  And needlessly.

True story:

I remember giving a trombone player a really hard time for saying, “when I get to that measure I always screw it up.”   I told him he needed to say something else.  He said, “but I always do…..”   I told him to say “I can play that.”  He said “But I can’t.”  I gave him a very stern look.   I said, I know you can play it.  You just haven’t learned how yet.”  We worked on the measure and figured out where the issues were..   Before he played it again to told him to say, “I can play all of this section.”   He started to say “but”…. and I gave him a very stern look.   (Non-verbal communication…)   He said it. “I can play all of this.”  And then he played it.

I could probably write a book about the issue of limiting language, and I may have more to say later.   I ask unanimous consent to revise and extend my remarks.

**************

Revised to include implied words and the paragraph on human prejudice.
7-19-2016.
Revised, Re-edited, and Reblogged
6-26-2020
And the Oxford comma ws on purpose.